Good Words Can Change Lives

on the power of 'words of encouragement'

Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.” – Proverbs 12:25

In my bible study class recently, we were discussing the verses in 1 Samuel. We read that Hannah, distraught and “miserable”, is moving her lips, praying silently, pouring her heart out to the Lord, praying for him to give her a son. Hannah was barren, and although she was loved by her husband, she often was the subject of ridicule from her husband’s other wife, who already had children. Additionally, as was the culture of ancient Israel, a woman who couldn’t bear children was considered cursed by God, and a terrible sinner to deserve such fate. This torment went on year after year.

Can you imagine her desperation, year after year, unanswered prayer after unanswered prayer? I can. It’s been years that I’ve been lifting the same prayers, and it’s been years that they have remained unanswered.  

In those days, the word of God was not present, and many Israelites were not obedient to God. When Eli, the priest, saw Hannah moving her lips, he thought she was drunk and told her to stop drinking. After she explained that she wasn’t drunk, she was merely miserable and pouring her heart out to the Lord, asking him for a child, Eli then said,  “Go in peace…and may the God of Israel give you what you have asked him for.” (1 Samuel 1:17)

Hannah, then, got up, walked away, and was greatly comforted by these words of encouragement.

I like to put myself in her shoes and think about what those words of encouragement may have meant for her. After all of those years, all of the personal torment she endured, someone finally spoke life over her heart’s desire to have a son. What if nobody had ever done that for her before that very moment?

Instead of powering through these verses in my bible study class, our group paused to speak on the power of words of encouragement, for Hannah, for all of us. One small sentence, a few words of encouragement, then became just enough to allow Hannah to walk away with her heart refreshed and her hope renewed, exactly what her weary heart needed to walk confidently forward, fully trusting in what the Lord would do. Perhaps even, fully believing she would then become pregnant with a son. And then, she became pregnant with Samuel. A changed heart and a changed hope can change a life, and words can do that.

This conversation in our bible study class moved me because I knew how true they were. I was able to share a powerful example of someone speaking life over our story just two days prior.

My husband and I were talking with our daughter’s therapist, a check in on how things have been going and how we can best support her at home. A very large part of our story, the long-suffering I write about, is about the broken relationships within our family as we have suffered through the unimaginable over the past several years. A lot contributes to these broken relationships and I won’t get into that here, but, as you can imagine if you are a parent, these broken relationships are heartbreaking and have been the subject of many prayers lifted and incredible anguish for many years. As much as my heart wants to cling to hope and full redemption because I know Jesus can and, one day, will do that for our family, I have often been left feeling hopeless, despite the never-ending attempts to surrender it all to God.

At the end of our call, this therapist ended our chat by smiling and confidently saying, “I see truly wonderful things with your relationship with her. I think you will have an awesome future together.”

After we hung up, I replayed those words over and over again in my mind. I clung to them for the next several hours that day. And then I realized why they were affecting me so deeply. Nobody had ever spoken those words over our family and our relationships. Ever. Close friends and family who know us, know the battle, know the tears, the efforts, all the prayers, the attempts at healing…and the failures, they see what we see, they’re praying what we are praying. But now, this near-stranger’s words wrapped around my heart like a dimly visible rainbow shining through the fog. And full disclosure, I wasn’t sure how I felt about this therapist at first because we have been through so many who weren’t up to the task of helping us. So many therapists, after spending time with our family and our story, told us we were too acute or too much for them, and handed us off to the next. So, naturally, I enter relationships with new therapists hesitantly, and that hesitation was ever-present with her.

This woman, whom I was unsure of, spoke these words of encouragement to me, in what seemed to be an after-thought to her. Yet, these words were GOLD to me. Like Hannah, upon hearing these words, my heart was refreshed in a way I hadn’t felt in ages, and my hope, renewed.

Friends, this seems so wild that something so simple could change my heart in such an impactful way. That’s all it took. She spoke life over our situation and I’m now choosing to believe that every day, every step forward is moving toward our redemption song, when I haven’t felt like this in a long time. Words hold so much power.

I remember a few months ago, I was having a terrible day. My morning was filled with mom-failures and it felt like the enemy was following me around everywhere I went, whispering lies about how terrible of a mother I was. Our family was having lunch at a restaurant after church and a woman and her daughter came up to me on their way out of the restaurant. She leaned down towards me and said, ‘I’m sorry to interrupt your lunch, but my daughter and I were just watching you with your kids and we just had to tell you that we think you are a great mom. You are being so patient and loving with them. And we love that you brought all of these art supplies and have been doing art with them at the table.” I was so taken aback by this, particularly after the morning I had had. I thanked her, through my blush-red face. Her daughter added, “And I love your outfit. You look so nice today.” I think I stumbled my words to say something like, ‘Wow, that is so kind, thank you so much, truly’. The mom then said, “I just know sometimes you need to hear it. Have a great day!” Her comments not only turned my day around but my kids were blown away by this stranger’s unsolicited kindness, also. And, I quickly looked around and noticed the tables near us were watching. Who knows what those words may have meant to the other tables? Words hold so much power.

"We should seize every opportunity to give encouragement. Encouragement is oxygen to the soul.” – George M. Adams

Several years ago, the tables were turned and I was the one speaking life over another.

We walked alongside a couple in a small group years ago who were not able to get pregnant after years of trying. Each week, we would cry with them, pray over them, and encourage them as best we could. I remember one day, the Lord spoke clearly into my heart while I was praying for this family. He said, “Be patient. Your time will come. Just be patient with me.”  I didn’t know what these words meant or what I was supposed to do with them. I felt perhaps the Lord wanted me to share them, but I questioned them, ‘Was that really from the Lord?’, I struggled to have the confidence to share those words because what if they weren’t true, what if I just came up with that for some reason, what if I told her these words and they upset her greatly, and she never had a child? I’ve discovered when the Holy Spirit wants you to do something, he won’t let it go until you do it. After being convicted to share, I approached her nervously, yet suddenly had a confidence I hadn’t had before when the words came out of my mouth. I don’t remember her reaction. I don’t know that it mattered. I believe what mattered in that moment was my obedience.

Years passed. I thought of those words often, wondering why that had happened, but I clung to hope that the Lord one day would answer their prayers. And then one day, she announced to the world that she and her husband had just finalized their adoption and would be bringing their baby girl home soon.

All of the years we’d prayed for this, the words I’d been given to speak to her, the answer to her prayer, had finally come for this precious family. I love seeing the photos of their sweet family of three on Facebook. That little girl is so very loved by her parents, who prayed and waited so long for her, along with many others who were also praying for her. And I can’t help but think what my words that day may have meant to her.

“So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you’re already doing this; just keep on doing it. “ – 1 Thessalonians 5:11 MSG

This is nothing new. We are already doing it, just as the scripture states. But let us not forget that we ALL need words of encouragement…

the neighbor who looks like they have it all together

the friend who wakes up every day in physical pain but carries on

the pastor who also has to stand firm against the spiritual warfare in his life

the woman behind the newsletter you enjoy who writes and serves through her offerings, but often doesn’t get feedback

the teenager with cut-scars on her arms

the crying woman sitting near you in church, alone

the little boy who is picking on others at the playground

the woman walking by you in church wearing the most stylish dress

the new dad with the baby strapped to his chest while he’s pushing a stroller and holding a hand of his toddler walking beside him

the friend you haven’t checked in on lately but they cross your mind all the time and you know you should reach out.

the mom in the grocery store, exhausted and embarrassed as her child throws another tantrum

the group of college students sitting in church

your spouse

It's time. Go ahead. Encourage someone. In fact, make it goal to get great at doing it. We never know what hangs in the balance of those words, whether they are spoken or remain unspoken. A changed heart and a changed hope can change a life, and words can do that.

Photo by Jack Sharp on Unsplash

A Poem I Wrote a Day Before That Call with the Therapist

Sometimes, I write poetry to process pain. I wrote this poem one day before the renewed hope I received from the life-giving words from the therapist, mentioned above. Initially, I was going to tie the poem up in a pretty bow and point it all to Jesus as the Redeemer, the Healer, and One Who Makes All Things New, but instead, I decided to keep it raw, as that was how I was feeling.

I shared it with a group of moms I’m connected to who all have similar stories of what we are living through. I believe I heard from most of them that many parts of the poem resonated. Those of us living in hard situations, we are not alone. If that is you reading this today, friend, please know, you are seen. We have a good, good Father who sees and provides real comfort and sustaining grace for all of our needs. It’s hard work, to show up every day to do hard work. We are exhausted and our souls are weary. But we are not alone. If you are walking through something hard, and you are alone, please reach out to me.

Here is an excerpt from the poem:

What do you call the the feelings you have when others tell you to just rest in the Lord, seek his goodness and He will make it right? But they don’t know how long you’ve poured your heart out to him, and how you’ve already handed over your fight.

You can read the poem here:

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Practice:

Next time God puts a positive thought, compliment or words of encouragement on your heart about another, take the time right then to speak them aloud to that person. Even if you send a quick text, it’s better than not saying them at all. The more you practice this, the easier it becomes. It can be something as simple as complimenting someone’s smile or clothes, even if they are a complete stranger. You never know what those words might weigh.

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For Reflection:

1. When was the last time someone spoke words of encouragement to you and those words renewed your hope and refreshed your spirit?

2. Is there someone you are praying for who could use words of encouragement from you today?

3. What might your words of encouragement mean to them? What might encouraging another mean to you?

4. Ask God to reveal people to you who need words of encouragement as you go about your day. Be obedient to what he shares. Then, be blessed.

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