Life hacks in a hard season
because living in a hard season makes everything harder and finding ways to simplify, edit and appreciate beauty are helpful and healing
Like oil and water, clutter/chaos and trauma do not mix well. Physical clutter and mental clutter both have the capacity to overwhelm, add trauma or a hard season on top of it and it can drive you completely nuts. I realized that while our family was living in the hardest season we’ve experienced thus far, I was hacking all over the place…creating ways for our life to feel a little easier or adding more edifying things to keep me surrounded by beauty and to keep my mind feeling well. Completing some of these small activities helped me feel like I still had a little control in some areas of life, since the chaos of trauma always feels so out of control. Even that pile that accumulates in the corner of the kitchen somewhere, the one that gathers all the magazines, mail, kid’s papers and art, receipts and all the other random things, can send me over the edge when I’m feeling overwhelmed by life.
Some of these ideas are not new, actually, most aren’t. But they have been helpful for me to find some calm and control amid the chaos and I thought I’d share some of them with you.
Unsubscribe to a few emails a day
I currently have 192,954 emails in my inbox. There were days when trauma had its way with me that I couldn’t even touch email as they accumulated and stuffed into that little cyper mailbox. Over the years, it has also gotten out of control with the amount of retail and social emails that I don’t read at all. Plus, with our recent move from GA to NC, I was still receiving many emails that were GA related that are of no use to me anymore. I started unsubscribing to emails, one or two a day, and it has cleaned up my inbox so that now it feels a little more tidy in there and not so overwhelming.
Delete emails as you go
I know many people do this already but I wasn’t deleting the emails as I read them or didn’t need to see them. They just sat there, still accumulating, cluttering around the ones I wanted to read, often making it difficult for me to see the ones I wanted to read. It also feels satisfying to swipe right, over and over again, and delete them. Gone. Gone. Gone. It’s satisfying to know I’m clearing out the trash and making space in my inbox - and mind.
Now, sign up for the ones you want to read that are edifying and soul-nourishing
In efforts to monitor and manage the content that I’m receiving, with the goal to ensure it’s following the Philippians 4:8 model - whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things - I also realized I was missing content that I wanted to read; content that I would look forward to receiving in my inbox, instead of just ‘junk’. This one took a little more work, as I had to research what that content really was, but now when I’m checking my emails, it’s filled with content that interests me, and not overwhelms.
Locate that lost password and cancel all of those subscriptions you don’t use
Ugh. This one irked me for so long - getting those emails that ‘your subscription will be renewing and if you want to cancel it, please do so before xyz date and click here’ but you click there and don’t remember your password or how to login, and it gets complicated, and well you know, when life is complicated, complicated things feel even more complicated, so you don’t do it. Then, month after month, you get that email and are reminded that you haven’t used that service in forever and it pains you to know you are being a charged. Now, I’m making myself do it. I’m going through the effort to locate my password and login information to cancel those subscriptions. And it feels good. Plus, it’s bringing money back into our account!
Take the time to find podcasts or audio books that edify and listen to them while you are completing mundane tasks
Mundane tasks can feel so…well, mundane, but in a trauma life, simple things that you have done a gazillion times, that you know are not hard or complicated, can feel that way. So, instead of not doing them (I tried that to, but not having clean underwear was plenty motivation enough to snap out of that funk), try jazzing them up by listening to quality audio that edifies and feels beautiful to you. While I’m folding laundry, riding alone in the car for a good chunk of time, cleaning, or cooking I can pop on a podcast, or an audio book and it takes my mind off of the mundane. Before I know it, I’m wishing I had more time to fold laundry to listen a little longer. Tip: I also like to keep a small notebook nearby when I’m listening to podcasts and audiobooks to jot down notes or ideas that come to mind while listening.
Make playlists for your moods, or make one ‘living’ playlist that you continue to add your favorite songs to as they come to you so you’ll have one long, awesome playlist that contains all the songs you love.
Music is a fabulous coping tool and can instantly change your mood. I enjoy making these playlists as much as I enjoy listening to them.
Make a family mission statement or a Rule for Life
I first learned about making a family mission statement many, many years ago from
on her website, Theartofsimple.net. The idea is that you take the time to create this living document that identifies your family’s values so your family can stay focused on the things that matter, and throw aside the things that don’t. We want to do it all, but that’s not realistic and if we aren’t mindful about how we spend our days, we may realize we are not hitting any of our family goals - especially if they aren’t realized. If you click the link for her website, it walks you through the steps of creating one for your family. You’ll also see this is a much older article. I call it an oldie but a goodie.Now, Tsh offers another great life hack and tool, a Rule for Life. Tsh explains that your “Rule for Life becomes a tool to help you make decisions, guide your focus, and give you peace as you pursue rhythms that help you flourish.” You can learn more about it and create one for yourself on her website, tshoxenreider.com.
Consider a food delivery service
My love for cooking ebbs and flows, particularly when in a hard season of life. There are some nights when I simply loathe the idea of coming up with yet another meal for my family. It’s not because I don’t enjoy feeding and nourishing my family, it’s because it requires thought, and sometimes, I just don’t have the margin to even think about a grocery list or planning meals when life is throwing curve balls at us.
We’ve used many different food delivery services over the years and some have been hits, and some have been misses. We have dietary restrictions and the good news is, more and more companies are offering plans that accommodate them now. Currently, we are using Hungry Root to supplement a few meals a week, so we don’t have to plan them. With Hungry Root, we still cook the items they send, but it’s all laid out for us with the recipe and appropriate portions. Plus, the food is great! Even my kiddos love the meals they send. They also include gluten free and paleo snacks - ones that we don’t see at our usual grocery store. I definitely recommend them. Use this link to get $50 off your first order.
Follow a workout plan that does the planning for you
Exercise is a must for my mental clarity. But there are days when showing up for my workout feels impossible. To make it a little easier, try a workout plan that does all the work for you so all you have to do is show up and follow along. Many moons ago, I used to be a personal trainer and would come up with workouts for my clients. So, I have the knowledge to put together a comprehensive workout but the motivation to think through it is sometimes lacking, just like with meal planning.
I have been partially following the program, the FASter Way to Fat Loss. I say partially because it includes meal plans, along with exercise plans, but I don’t do the meal plans. The workouts are available seven days a week and they are mostly 30 minutes or shorter, yet they are highly effective. Two days a week are HIIT/cardio intense, three days focus on weight training (Saturday is leg day which also means special treat day), one day is pilates/barre/yoga, and one day is active recovery. I only do the cardio and weight training days. But it’s been so good for me. I also love the people who lead the workouts and program!
Identify triggers in and around the home and make a plan to address them
That pile in the kitchen where everything ends up; when the car is so cluttered there are no available cup holders; that wrapper on the floor that nobody has picked up for three days - am I really the only one to see it?
Under normal circumstances, these things don’t bother me, but when I’m maxed out mentally, emotionally and physically, small things can trigger me, but some more consistently than others. It seems like a no-brainer but instead of constantly being triggered by these things, or expecting my family to do something about them, because yes, they truly don’t see the things that bother me, I have learned that if I don’t address them, by communicating to my family what my triggers are and how everyone can help out, then they won’t get any better. Now, we sort that pile once a week, and we’ve incorporated car clean up into the boys’ weekly chores.
Identify the top 3 things you need to do today, try to do them, and if anything else gets accomplished, consider it a cherry on top
As a list maker, I’ll open up ‘notes’ in my phone, click on the little tidy circle bullet maker and actually enjoy listing items for my list. I get even more satisfaction checking them off once completed. I’ll even add something that wasn’t on the list originally, simply to check it off if I accomplished it that day. If you’re a list maker, I know you know what I mean. But, in seasons of overwhelm, I found that my incomplete lists were overwhelming. I knew that I needed to receive grace and go easy on myself during tough seasons, but it didn’t stop the action items that needed to be completed. But I just wasn’t able to complete them. After a while, it became obvious to me that the problem wasn’t me, it was the list. My lists were unrealistic. Now, I identify the top three to do items I need to do, try to complete them, and if anything else gets accomplished - I consider it the cherry on top. But not before I first add it to the list, then mark it off. 😉
My husband has enjoyed using the “2-minute rule” from Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress Free Productivity by David Allen. Basically, the rule consists of the following points:
If you can complete a task in under 2 minutes, do it now.
If it’s something somebody else should do, delegate it.
If it’s not something that’s important, delete it.
If it’s something important but time consuming, schedule it for later so you have plenty of time to focus on it.
Write things down - in one area
I often hear something, see something, am inspired by something, want to follow up on researching something, want to read something later that was referenced, try a new creative activity, or have thoughts for a poem or a writing piece throughout my day and if I don’t write it down, it’s gone. Sometimes, trauma and other hard life experiences can cause temporary memory loss. It’s entirely frustrating to want to remember something that you know will bring beauty and joy to your life but you just can’t find it in that overworked mind of yours. I began carrying around these little notecards on a ring:
They fit perfectly in my small purse, they have a protective outer cover so they won’t get bent and messed up, and I like that they are the perfect size to organize ideas. I use one card per idea and can add thought to each card. I also can take them out of the pile once I’ve acted upon the idea. I use one for notes and thoughts, and one for scriptures that I carry around when I need a good dose of truth.
Practice Gratitude - in any way that works for you - simple is key so you’re more likely to keep it up
When you’re feeling gratitude, it’s nearly impossible to also feel overwhelmed and anxious, unless of course, you’re overwhelmed with gratitude. There are a ton of ways to engage in a gratitude practice and finding the one that works for you is key. It took me a while to find the one that worked for me and get into a groove with practicing it. What I do now is say what I’m grateful for in that moment out loud, no matter who is around me, where I am, or what I’m doing. I have found that by doing it this way, I also inspire others around me to express their gratitude in that moment. That’s a pretty cool bonus that I get from it, and others! I tried writing them down in my phone and couldn’t keep up with that. I tried journaling them, again, but it proved to be too much work in this season. One year, our family kept a gratitude journal at the dinner table and every day for an entire year we listed three things each that we were grateful for. It was awesome to see the completed book and look back over everyone’s responses. Perhaps we will do that again in the future, but for now, my simple practice of seeing it and naming it is working best.
Take time to make yourself a cup of tea and use your nice cup and saucer…
Or cut flowers from your garden and put them in a vase, or buy the magazine at the store with the gorgeous glossy picture on the front that you love and slowly flip through it, or curl up on the sofa with your Bible, bible study book and pretty pens and tell your family you need this time without any distractions. Doing any small, tender, life-giving act like these reinforces to yourself that you deserve to take time out of your day and invest in yourself. Not only that, these small acts are calming for your nervous system, they welcome delight, and give you the opportunity to become reacquainted with the you you knew before your hard season swooped in.
