The river speaks
And I listen intently
Cutting through mountains
Passing secrets like a song
It shares without caution, wild and free
I stand collecting, humbled and small
An ethereal fog moves up the river
It comes toward me
Or am I coming toward it?
It lures me with its mystery
‘Come closer, closer, closer still’
It whispers, with a roar
But my footing is unsteady and I am the only one here and the river is an untamed lion and I can’t hear them anymore, the secrets, it’s much too loud. TOO LOUD. And I can’t see anymore, through the fog; everything is white. My skin feels wet and cold.
And all is silent.
I am the secret now.
I am the mystery.
The river speaks.
Who will listen?
Note: I began this poem in 5/2020, when our family was all suffering from an unknown illness with many mysterious symptoms. I was homeschooling and feeling consumed. For the first time in my life I was experiencing severe anxiety. The symptoms and anxiety were all from toxic mold that our home was hiding and it was the main contributing factor to all of my kids being diagnosed with PANS, mold sickness/CIRS, and lyme disease and co-infections. This cocktail of diagnoses ultimately has taken our daughter from us, given me Parkinson’s-like symptoms (chronic neurological Lyme disease), and continues to plague my boys. It’s been a groundhog’s day of living hell and one that feels like I can’t escape. I often feel underwater. I finished the poem on 6/19/2023.
If it were not for the hope and comfort from my Lord, Jesus Christ, I would feel like the mystery in the bottom of the river.
So painfully beautiful Kelly. What a hard and challenging story for your family... May you find comfort and peace and endurance with God our Father 💛
Kelly. I deeply and profoundly understand. I have walked a similar path. Without the Lord Jesus and the ability to saturate your mind and heart in His powerful, life-giving Word, where would we be? I am considerably down the path ahead of you. What seemed like drowning is now a beautiful, life-flowing garden of great beauty. God is working that in you now. Yes, it is painfully and excruciatingly hard. I do understand that. Hold on tight to the hem of Almighty God. He will never fail you, or your children. Remember He is writing their story and it is different from yours. He has a great plan for each of their lives and He knows they need to experience in this deep valley to be prepared for what is in store, held in the hands of a loving and all-powerful, Sovereign God. I am keeping your family in my prayers.