What if you put them down? (all those things you're carrying)

therapy notes (in a voiceover poem) for 10/17/24 and my sacred art journal spread to accompany them

“Help! Its wing is stuck.”

What if God isn’t giving us what we want

because we just aren’t ready;
But he’s giving us what we need

and we can’t keep steady?
How long must I struggle with a
Cherry-picked faith,
Trusting him with most things,
But many, still hanging on, in wait.
Waiting for a neon sign
To be lit in front of my face,
But the world calls, “look here!”
And I wanna jump right into the race.
Wait! I know this place,
I’ve been here before
I remember the striving completely
I remember always wanting more.
Peace that surpasses all understanding,
For those whose minds are fixed on you
A perfect peace,
That’s where I want to run to.
I sit with this tension
the Apostle Paul talks about,
I want it in my bones,
To Make it my aim to live a quiet life, to mind my own business,
and to be content with the life I own.
But unrest and tension live inside me
They’re forever stealing breath from my body
I’m curious, I really want to know
Does anyone live peace-embodied?
Busy is a value
we identified from long ago,
To be busy means some purpose
is FOREVER keeping me on my toes.
Then, busy interferes with quiet
And my purpose-vision begins to wane,
Ha! In my journal I’m always reminding myself,
“Stay in my own lane”.
This anxiety inside of me
Is the product of all I’m holding
And not trusting others to help carry the load
Will only lead to my eventual folding.
Trusting others will take time
But in myself, I know I can trust
When the Holy Spirit within me
Brings clarity, I know I must.
I’ve noticed two themes showing up in my art,
one is feeling stuck and captivity.
The other, with these birds and butterflies,
Is that I desperately want to be free.
In addition to all that I’m carrying,
I’m holding life at arm’s length,
And people, my art, and my words -
God, help me, I don’t have this kind of strength.
“What would happen if you put them down?
How would that make you feel?
Think about this one, Kelly.
Every emotion is appropriate;

How your body is feeling is real.”

“uncaged, untethered, freed - how it was born to be”

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What are therapy notes?

These ‘therapy notes’ poems are written quickly without too much thought. They are simply a raw download of some of the takeaways from my therapy sessions. I am able to rhyme fairly easily so I just try to capture these ideas without making anything overcomplicated. I can’t handle complicated right now. I don’t know anyone who can. If I think too hard or try to make it ‘perfect’, I’ll get in my head and they won’t get posted so it’s best for me to just go with it.

Why am I sharing them? Because they are the poetry of my heart and emotions, they are the wrestlings and fears I’m struggling with. And in my experience, when we share these ‘below the surface’ things, we can connect with others who may struggle similarly and that’s where the beauty arrives, isn’t it? When we realize we are ALL pretty similar after all.

Please feel free to share these therapy notes. Mostly, they remain unanswered (and continue to be ‘the work’ I’m doing in therapy) but I believe they are fertile ground for others to dig and explore.

this is a ‘painted prayer’; it begins as a prayer written out and then i cover it with art. the symbolism is that God is covering my prayers, fears, and worries (and joy and thanksgiving). this is my worship, this is my offering.