The Untold Stories of our Grandparents
on honoring the grandparents in your life this Sunday on Grandparents Day
Just recently I learned a detail to add to the already wonderfully bizarre fact about my dad’s mother, whom we called Mamaw: that the one and only time she ever wore a pair of pants in her entire life, she also had her skirt on top of them, so technically, she could still claim she wore a dress or skirt everyday of her entire life.
When I’ve shared this fascinating family factoid with my kiddos, they say, ‘there’s no way that can happen’, but luckily for me, I was around to bear witness to this legendary occurrence.
Five-year-old me was bundled up with only my eyes exposed to the ferocious snowflakes, coming in laterally, assaulting my eyelids and causing needle-prick pains. With the threat of ‘the coldest day ever in Roanoke’, the weather and some gentle encouragement dictated this last minute clothing choice and Mamaw agreed to borrow my Aunt Ann’s pastel pink sweatpants and sneakers. When you wear skirts or dresses, “stockings” and heels every day of your life, I can’t imagine sweatpants would be your first choice. But, as she was a lady, at least they were pink.
This little anecdote is often bundled together with the day she wore her blue housedress (and heels) to play on the church softball team, and how she would walk, in rain, snow, and scorching hot West Virginia mountain sun, up the steep hill from her and Papaw’s house at the bottom, every Sunday wearing her heels and best Sunday dress, carrying her Bible stuffed with folded sermon notes, to be the pastor of the little church at the top of that hill.
To know my Mamaw is to love her. But my kids never knew her. However, these stories keep her alive and because of them, her great grandchildren feel like they do know her. And love her.
If we don’t find ways to preserve their stories, they will be gone forever.
Grandparents are like chock-full treasure chests, filled with little treasure-stories, waiting to be dusted and polished to become shiny again. We just have to dig a little to get them out.
This Grandparent’s day - September 10, 2023 - may just be the perfect time for you to start digging and collecting some of these treasures. And, an unexpected treasure you may uncover from this process is picking up a tip or two on how to become a great storyteller. Grandparents often make the best storytellers.
I’ve compiled a short list of ideas to consider for honoring and celebrating these special family members in our lives. I’m excited for you and your grandchildren; I know you’re about to uncover some gems!
"Young people need something stable to hang on to—a culture connection, a sense of their own past, a hope for their own future. Most of all, they need what grandparents can give them.” - Jay Kesler
I. Make some time to look at old photos together
Ask questions, listen to their stories. You may want to record some of the stories shared or even make notes about the photos so you won’t forget what you’ve learned. One day, that photo album may become yours and you will be glad you made the notes you did.
"Surely, two of the most satisfying experiences in life must be those of being a grandchild and or a grandparent." - Donald A. Norber
II. Get the family recipe
Many families have that one recipe that was hand-written on a piece of paper or index card that has survived decades. Get a photo copy of that recipe. Even if the recipe is not your favorite, or you don’t plan to ever make it, saving their handwriting in this way is a super special way to honor and remember them forever. There are companies that will take a photo copy of the recipe and have it printed on a tea towel, like this one here.
"Grandparents are, without a doubt, some of the world's best educators." - Charles W. Shedd
III. Interview them
I’ve compiled some questions you or your children might consider asking them. You don’t need to ask all of them, and you may want to ask them over time. I recommend recording their answers on your phone’s video or voice recorder. You can also use an app to later transcribe them to paper. Make sure you have blocked an appropriate amount of time because this is where the beauty happens - in the storytelling! Even if your kids are still too young to ask these questions or sit patiently for the answers, it’s always a good idea to get them now and they can appreciate them later. These interviews can take place in person or over the internet or FaceTime if the grandparents are not close. For fun, you may want to even consider what the answers are to some of these questions for yourself. You have untold stories, too!
General:
What do you remember the most about your mom?
What do you remember the most about your dad?
What favorite memories do you have of your siblings?
Who was your best friend growing up? Why were they your best friend? What did you do together?
What was your childhood home like? Can you remember your room? What memories do you have of your home?
What was your favorite home that you’ve ever lived in?
How many states have you lived in? Have you lived overseas?
What were holidays like for you as a child? Were they similar to how you celebrate them now or different? How?
What were/are some of your favorite games to play as a child/teen/young adult/now?
What, if any, sports did you play? What position? What did you like or not like about playing that sport? What specific memories do you have of playing that sport? Did you have a favorite coach?
What was your favorite book as a child/teen? Why? What is your favorite book now? Why?
What music did/do you listen to as a child/teen/young adult/now?
What were your hobbies? Do you still do any of them? What are your hobbies now?
Where were your favorite vacation spots? Tell me about your favorite vacation memory that you have as a child/teen/young adult/now.
Do you have a bucket list? If so, what have you completed on your bucket list and what do you still hope to do?
Did you like school as a child/teen/young adult? What schools did you go to?
Did you go to college? If so, what did you study/what was your major?
Were you in a sorority/fraternity? What stories can you share about your time in one?
Have you ever met anyone famous?
Did you have to do chores growing up? If so, what were they? Did you like doing them?
What career/profession did you want to have as an adult when you were a child? Were you ever what you wanted to be? What did you do instead?
How did you decide on your career?
Did you change careers in your life?
As a child, did you dream your life as an adult would be anything like how it turned out?
Did you have a family pet?
What life challenges did you face as a child/teen/young adult/now?
What were some of your favorite jobs? Tell me about some of your favorite work memories.
Who was your role model growing up? Who do you admire now?
What were some of your values as a child/teen/young adult? What do you value most now? Have your values changed?
What was your favorite meal/dessert as a child/teen/young adult/now?
What lesson did you learn on your own?
How did you handle your finances in your life? Were you taught about money at a young age?
Throughout your life so far, what has been the best era, age, season, etc.? Why? What was the worst? Why?
Faith
When were you introduced to your faith?
How did your faith grow?
Did you have a person or event or circumstance in your life that brought you to your faith or made you stronger in your faith?
Did your parents share the same faith? If so, how was your faith encouraged in your home?
What is your faith like now?
If you are Christian, what is your favorite Bible verse? What is your favorite hymn?
Love
When did you first fall in love?
How did you meet your spouse? What was your first date like?
What is the best dating advice you would give to others?
When did you know that he/she was the one?
If there was a proposal, how did you/he/she propose?
If you were married, how old were you when you got married?
What is the best marriage advice you would give to others?
How did you and your spouse handle conflict?
Military
Were you in the military or was your spouse in the military? If so, what branch?
Tell me about what life was like for you then.
What was the highest ranking you achieved in the military?
Where did you live while in the military?
Did you have to be separated from your family? For how long?
What was your overall experience like being in the military?
Family History
Who lived in your home as a child?
What were your parents’ names and what were your siblings’ names and ages compared to you?
Who were you closest to in your family?
Have you ever traced your ancestry? If so, how far back?
Are there any famous or noteworthy people in our family tree?
What did you parents do for a living? What did their parents do? Did you follow in their footsteps?
Parenting
How many children did you have?
What was parenting your children like then? How do you see it as different, now?
How did you handle stress as a parent?
Did you parent your children differently than you were parented?
What was/is your strongest or best quality as a parent/grandparent?
Was there a piece of advice you consistently gave to your children while they were young?
What advice would you give to your children/grandchildren now?
What were/are some of your favorite things to do with your children/grandchildren?
What was it like becoming a grandparent? How was it different than being a parent?
What were some of your favorite family traditions? What are some now?
What was the most important lesson you were ever taught by your family?
What do you wish for more than anything for your children and grandchildren?
"Grandparents can be very special resources. Just being close to them reassures a child, without words, about change and continuity, about what went before and what will come after." - Fred Rogers
IV. Let them interview you, but provide the questions
Providing the questions gives you (your children) time in advance to think about the answers so they can be thoughtful and meaningful to your grandparents. Here are some questions to consider:
When you think of me (me is your grandmother/grandfather), what is the first thing that comes to mind?
What is your favorite memory with me/us?
What is the one thing you like to do best with me/us?
What is your favorite food that we (grandmother/grandfather) make/bake?
What is something I/we have said that you always think of or will never forget?
What do you like best about coming to our house?
Is there a smell that reminds you of me/us, or do you think we have a smell that you can describe in words? (I often associate the smell of bananas and Chanel No. 5 with my Mamoo)
Are there times you wish we could be with or around you more? (my kids always want their grandparents to come to their sports games but they live far away)
Is there a song/movie/tv show that reminds you of me/us?
What have we taught you?
"I loved their home. Everything smelled older, worn but safe; the food aroma had baked itself into the furniture." - Susan Strasberg
V. Make new memories with them doing things they love
When I visited my Mamaw and Papaw in the sweltering West Virginia summer’s as a really small child, I had no choice but to be in the garden with them, swatting bugs, pulling weeds and harvesting fresh vegetables. I never appreciated those summers in their garden when I was a child, but as I aged, I saw what their garden meant to them - how they faithfully tended it, how they lovingly cooked the food from it for our family, how they would supply neighbors with large armloads of tomatoes, squashes and cucumbers and how hard working they always were.
If you are able to visit your (your children’s) grandparents in person, aside from interviewing them, be sure to make new memories with them by doing the things they love to do. Grandparents invest a lot of time doing things with their grandchildren that their grandchildren like. Help them plan an outing or fun afternoon filled with things that bring their grandparents joy, such as fishing, baking, making home made pasta, or gardening. Even if it’s not something your children enjoy, they will see their grandparents doing what they love and learn so much from them in those moments.
My kids have all learned how to fish, bowl, snap green beans, understand the game of baseball on TV and so much more by spending time with their grands.
“Because grandparents are usually free to love and guide and befriend the young without having to take daily responsibility for them, they can often reach out past pride and fear of failure and close the space between generations.” - President Jimmy Carter
VI. Start a new pen pal or phone call routine
When I was a little girl, for many years I wrote letters regularly to both my grandmother and my great grandmother, who both lived far away from me. I had pretty stationary and would use my best handwriting to compose letters filled with the details of my ordinary days, the thoughts on my mind and sketches of animals and flowers. I didn’t need a special reason to write, I just wrote anything. In a few days after mailing my letter off, I’d then receive one. Getting mail was exciting, but collecting my stash of pretty letters from my grandmother and great grandmother were a true delight for me. I kept them in a special decorative cardboard box. I learned how to read and write in cursive from this small routine. Many years into adulthood, my mother gave me a pretty hat box filled with the letters I had written to both my grandmother and great grandmother. They had kept every single one, too. I remember the day I was presented this box. I read almost every single letter I had written and became very nostalgic. I also later learned just how special my grandmother and great grandmother felt receiving my letters and how very much they looked forward to them. Perhaps it’s time your children had a pen pal with their grandparent, too!
If your parents/their grandparents live far enough away that you don’t get an opportunity to see them regularly, arrange a time whenever you both are available to start calling them on a regular basis. It will give both your children and your parents something to look forward to and they will inevitably grow a closer bond. Our children need more role models in their lives and a regular check-in with their grandparents is the perfect opportunity.
“A grandfather is someone with silver in his hair and gold in his heart.” - unknown
VII. Record-a-story to cherish their voices
Every year at Christmas, my kids got super excited to bring out the Christmas books and the one they cherished the absolute most was a recordable storybook that my parents had recorded for them.1 They loved hearing their Mamaw and Papaw’s voices telling the story of The Night Before Christmas and they cherished it a little more, every year. This is a super special way to preserve their voices. Recordable storybooks are available at Hallmark and on Amazon. They make beautiful gifts for your children and the grandparents enjoy recording them.
“Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.” - Proverbs 17:6
VIII. Use a company to help organize, record and print a keepsake book about their lives
One year for Christmas, we purchased Storyworth for both sets of grandparents. The company would send us a few questions and we’d choose the one we’d like our parents to answer. Then, Storyworth would send the questions and our parents would record their answers on their website. Once we were ready, we would have the company organize and compile all of the answers and print them into a keepsake book. ((disclosure: we never had our books printed….I loved the idea of it and both sets of grandparents appreciated it and enjoyed reading and thinking about the questions and prompts, but only one set of grandparents actually recorded their answers…however, we never requested our printed book….yet…perhaps this is my prompt to finally get our book))
A quick search online shows there are a couple other companies out there competing in this space. Some of their product offerings are a little different but all of these looked interesting: A Life Untold, Storii, and No Story Lost.
Final Note: It’s OK if it feels like Grandparents Day is more for us than them…the beauty is, it’s for all of us
I’m not just recommending some of these ideas, I’m doing them myself, with my children. I realize we are very fortunate to still have my mother and father and my husband’s mother and father with us, and my children have both sets of grandparents, but I also realize that none of us are promised time and I don’t want these stories and memories lost for good when our parents pass.
I sent a message to my mom asking if we could FaceTime with her and my dad on Sunday and spend some time talking about some of these questions. They are not close so we don’t get to see them often. She liked the idea and I’m really looking forward to uncovering some gems. My children may not be old enough to appreciate what we are doing, or even the stories that will be shared, but I know they will one day. And just like the stories I’ve carried over to my children about my grandparents - family members my children never met- these preserved stories will help them to live on, even perhaps to their children one day.
And, if you don’t have your parents, or grandparents this Grandparent’s Day, I know these holidays can be hard, particularly for those of you who’ve lost your parents recently…I’ve had quite a few friends lately in this category. I know, too, that looking through old photographs can bring every emotion to the surface. I pray you will have peace and comfort as you cherish memories about them. I pray your time thinking about them or retelling stories to your family about them will bring joy and a sweet nostalgia.
For all the grandparents out there - Happy Grandparents Day!
Life is short and precious and our family stories need to be told and cherished for all generations. Please feel free to share this post with your family and friends.
"Human beings look separate because you see them walking about separately. But then we are so made that we can see only the present moment. If we could see the past, then of course it would look different. For there was a time when every man was part of his mother, and (earlier still) part of his father as well, and when they were part of his grandparents. If you could see humanity spread out in time, as God sees it, it would look like one single growing thing — rather like a very complicated tree. Every individual would appear connected with every other." - C.S. Lewis
This is in past tense because when we discovered the toxic mold in our home in GA, we had to get rid of all of our books. It hurt to get rid of some of the more sentimental ones, such as this recordable storybook one, our wedding album, the baby albums, and all of the lovely homeschool books we had read aloud together over the years.